<input ... ></input><input ... >

I don't do resolutions.  They are too specific and too narrow.  They are too "means to an end".  Do I want to work out more?  Not really.  I want to be healthy.  Do I want to be more forgiving?  Hell no - I :want to feel the compassion to not be put in a spot to forgive in the first place.  Do I want to work harder?  Nope - I want to accomplish more of what matters - whether it is saving the world or spending more time with my fave small friends.  So - I don't do resolutions.  What I do is in and out.  What do I want to draw into my life and what do I want to release and get out of my life.  So here goes - and this is a bit of a cheat this year since G and I did it live and you are only getting the memorex version - but just because it is a rerun, it doesn't make it any less real.

OUT:
1.  Worry.  I don't know where this habit has come from.  I never used to worry about anything and good things just came.  The whole facing mortality thing this year seems to have put me in a tiz and I suddenly worry.  Will I have enough, be enough, do enough?  Enough, I say - the good stuff is coming, it is always coming.  I have lived a charmed life for as long as I can remember - you probably have too, and you forgot for a minute.  We have freedoms and comforts that surpass what kings had not so very long ago.  I am young and strong and smart and I have some things that can never be taken away - my intelligence and hard earned knowledge and sincere belief that I will always be able to provide for myself and not expect someone else to take care of me.  There is no need to worry - I will always be just fine - and have enough to take care of the ones I love to boot.

2. Self doubt.  I used to be so sure of myself.  Too sure - I was a bit arrogant truth be told - but with humility, I developed uncertainty.  And I am giving up that doubt.  I am making good and healthy choices and will continue to do so.  I actually kinda rock.  In the not arrogant way.....

3. Doubting my partner.  This year has been a whirlwind.  Lots of pitfalls.  Hell, lots of falls.  We were both good, great, scared, indifferent, brilliant, off base, terrified, confident, present, absent, loving, self loving, generous, stingy and everything else.  There was just one thing.  No matter who fell or how hard, we never stopped holding hands.  I will not doubt a man who tries so hard even when hurt so badly.  No, I won't.

4. Fear of the unknown.  I am about to leap into the abyss.  I choose to be exhilarated and not terrified.  Life tastes so sweet just now.

IN:
1. Health.  So almost dying (twice) last year kinda brings things into focus.  I will tell you a couple of truths.  Nobody laughs at God when you have a heart monitor on you and they don't know what is wrong inside your heart.  Also, when it comes down to the final hour you don't think about what you did or didn't do, what you accomplished or failed at.  You think of that last phone call and whether you get the chance to say I love you one last time.  I found out what was wrong with me before it killed me - but only just.  I laugh inside every time someone tells me "I would just DIE if I had to live like you".  Really?  High fructose corn syrup is more important than that one last hug?  My health seems tenuous at times and having to eat so differently than most people kinda sucks.  But I feel healthy down to my soul - better than I did in my 20s.  You should all be so lucky as me to get such a terrible affliction.  It gave me back my wonder.  You oughta try it.

2. Success.  I had forgotten that success means sipping the joy out of every moment, not clinging to work that you "need" for the dough.  This year I embrace real success - body, mind, spirit.

3. Love, love, love. I did the unthinkable.  I finally fell in love without rules.  I finally gave myself over to something bigger.  and you know what?  It sucks as much as it is great.  And I am embracing that.  Because I found a man that has seen all the scars and burns and ugly - and he loved me more for it.  And all his scars and burns and ugly?  Those make him beautiful.  So love is in - in the once more with feeling kinda way.

4. Camaraderie.  My friends.  I would like to take this moment to apologize for cutting you out.  I had been having some scheduled sanity maintenance.  Everything is back online now.  Sorry I checked out.  Can I take you dancing to make it up to you?  I have some of the finest and best people on this planet to call friend.  It makes me humble.  I will be bugging your asses to hang out with me this year.  Yes, I will.

5. Care.  Lean on me.  I got it in me this year. 

OK - IN and OUT.  I am resolved.